Kids DO give you grey hair. They DO!!

My little buster gave us a big scare (along with the doctors) for the last few days. He was admitted for 3 days at Childrens Hospital in Denver. (transferred by ambulance from Longmont ER) He had a really bad infection in his stomach under his belly button...he was pumped full of antibiotics to keep it from spreading into his blood stream and after a few back and forth conversations about surgery he stabilized and got much better fairly quickly so no surgery was needed, as of yet. He has a couple appointments over the next week and a half to make sure he's 100%. 

Things can change so fast. So fast. 

Donald Miller and the DNC

I was flipping through some blogs I read and came across this post on Brian Wurzell's page. I was blown away actually.

Here is Dons prayer at the DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION - 2008

“Father God,

This week, as the world looks on, help the leaders in this room create a civil dialogue about our future. We need you, God, as individuals and also as a nation. We need you to protect us from our enemies, but also from ourselves, because we are easily tempted toward apathy. Give us a passion to advance opportunities for the least of these, for widows and orphans, for single moms and children whose fathers have left. Give us the eyes to see them, and the ears to hear them, and hands willing to serve them. Help us serve people, not just causes. And stand up to specific injustices rather than vague notions. Give those in this room who have power, along with those who will meet next week, the courage to work together to finally provide health care to those who don’t have any, and a living wage so families can thrive rather than struggle. Help us figure out how to pay teachers what they deserve and give children an equal opportunity to get a college education. Help us figure out the balance between economic opportunity and corporate gluttony. We have tried to solve these problems ourselves but they are still there. We need your help. Father, will you restore our moral standing in the world. A lot of people don’t like us but that’s because they don’t know the heart of the average American. Will you give us favor and forgiveness, along with our allies around the world. Help us be an example of humility and strength once again. Lastly, father, unify us. Even in our diversity help us see how much we have in common. And unify us not just in our ideas and in our sentiments—but in our actions, as we look around and figure out something we can do to help create an America even greater than the one we have come to cherish.

God we know that you are good. Thank you for blessing us in so many ways as Americans.
I make these requests in the name of your son, Jesus, who gave his own life against the forces of injustice. Let Him be our example. Amen.”

Wow, I found this in my email drafts from 2004

---This has just broadsided me. I had distinct direction, passion, energy, hope.....can't wait to be back there again, I AM ON MY  WAY:)

Im going to be getting a ring in the few weeks. ...right now me and Tess are deciding whether or not we're gonna get married in January or wait till next june. As of right now I think its gonna be in june('05) so it'll be an outdoor wedding in Colorado. Shes moving back there in a couple weeks and Im pretty sure she'll either comback for ten weeks in September so we can go through a Pre-marital-program-small-group-counseling thing or I'll move there and we'll find a church there that we'll be going to.

Its been all crazy how this has all worked out. it was all little steps of obedience and then God just runs with it and we're on for a ride. Its really been amazing. But right now we're trying to figure out what the best thing as far as timing.

My music is really getting awesome. Gods set a fire inside of me to play. I know He's gonna use it in awesome ways. So for this summer Im gonna be totally focused on writing music. He's brought some awesome people into my life that have inspired me and are willing to help me out with stuff.

Also Stupid Apple is turning out to be amazing. The visions that we thought were big are turning out so small compared to where I know God will bring it. Prayers are being answered in the craziest most amazing ways. So far this is the vision now:
-we're gonna have short films that will be available to youth groups and churches around the country.
-we're gonna have a web site that will pretty much be a place where kids (15-30) can read about anything relevant to life and faith.
-hopefully we will have a circulating bi-monthly magazine someday.
-we're going to carry on the skate ministry
-we're going to bring "Bite The Curb" ministries and also "Overflow Outreach" ministry to conferences around the U.S.
-Overflow Outreach is going to be an Orphanage type outreach that we will start in Africa and God willingly spread.

And the way things are happening is so crazy. the encouragment from people around us and the people who are willing to help. Crazy. People who have no clue about this are brought by God to help us with stuff. We've been praying recently about the legal stuff behind having a production company and also non-profit organizations. So this one random day at Starbucks, Im just working and this dude who is prbably late twenties maybe thirty who Ive talked to about my car comes up and asks me if I do the art work in the store, and I told him I did. Then he told me he just graduated and he's an attourney that specializes in businesses and copyrighting and hes willing to help us out with everything from my artwork, logos, my songs, our name...anything...all for free!! Its crazy. Came out of nowhere!! It started with my art work, then I told him I write music, then I told him about stupid apple!! And thats just one thing!! I met this other crazy awesome guy who just came out of film school in London, we've talked for weeks at work, (hes a customer) then I find out he's a Christian.

Anyways... All of this is years away...maybe 2 because of other priorities and also preperation that God has made evident. Its just going to snowball...if we're trustworthy with the small stuff, God will just keep adding!! One day we'll be getting youth skate ministries scattered around america evangelizing and decipling and sending these kids on mission trips to orphanages/schools/churches around the world all the while keeping Stupid Apple personal with our magazine and web site. Sounds nuts huh?!?! Its wierd though, I cant even imagine doing anything else with my life. Its so awesome!!

...in the desert prepare the way for the Lord, make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it... isaiah 40:3-5

LORD, calm my soul

liar and a thief

how can I be as angry as I am

'cause I am just the same

The answer to many of my problems

I realized that I want to save myself and use God to make me feel better all while acting out a Christian life to mask the emptiness in my heart. I'm not truly seeking God, I just wait for Him and throw up my hands when nothing happens. I'm so selfish and now confused on how to get back to the basics of what a relationship with God actually is. I've lost the realness of it. I've become numb and robot like in the fact that I always say to people and to myself that I want to "do this for God" or "use my gifts here for God." But I think in my heart I am trying to buy happiness from Him. My heart is in the wrong place. 

This fleeting moment is worth what?

Through a link here and a link there I read a blog that hit me hard today. I quote from here.

"Our life here on earth will be over in the blink of an eye, compared to eternity. Really, that is quite an incredible thought when you really sit down and think about it and all that it means. It is difficult to fully comprehend the magnitude of the importance of this extremely brief life in light of eternity.

The fears, worries, situations and pursuits of happiness that naturally come with this life can consume us but in the light of eternity all these things of the world are worthless. Useless. They are like a vapor- like we are- here one moment and gone the next. We give them far more importance than they are worth. 

Only one life to live, only what's done for Christ will last."

My Tess

So, for those of you who don't know...me and my wife Tess are having our second child this fall. Sometime around October 4th. We're pretty excited. We were a little freaked out at first since Olive will only be a year and a few months old at that time. But hey! Life is crazy, might as well add to the craziness!

This blog is to let everyone know how much I love Tess. We're best friends. She is amazing with Olive, definitely the best mom in the world. She not only keeps our little one safe, healthy and happy all day long but she is also putting in 20 hours a week at the 'Bucks to help with bills and health insurance. Most of those who read this blog know how much me and Bryce loathed working at the place. (you probably know Bryce, if not, there is a link to his blog to your right) I finally got out and so did Bryce. But Bryce went back, and somehow I will probably find myself behind that counter again too. Anyways...random tangent.

Tess. She is beautiful and has led me to experience things I always hoped for. Love, compassion, trust, forgiveness, life, fragility, strength. Her heart is for God. Her heart is for her family. Her heart is for me and mine for her. She encourages me in ways that nobody else can. 

Thank you my Tess:)

Random thoughts on a Tuesday

As I grow older the world becomes more complicated.
It's hard to let go and trust God.
I really wish that money was never invented.
I want to help people. Especially family.
Time spent with the ones we love is well spent. It matters.
I'm worth it.
You're worth it.
I cry for other people more than I cry for myself.
I get angry for other people more than I get angry for myself.
The world is in a sad state. Most people don't realize that it is all caused by sin.
We need to give ourselves to people and then find out what we personally need to recharge and renew.

*I hope that all of us in the moments of fragility and defeat will find victory. It is there.

I can't wait till God makes everything better (as a whole). Until then I pray that we can learn from our circumstances, decisions, and passions. And take what we learn and apply it to our lives with courage to move forward and change and grow in faith and love. To take what is given to us (talents, knowledge, wisdom, and what we freakin love about life) and use them to the best of our abilities.

Loose Binding.

Just to clear things up, I don't want to end my life. I'm not in the middle of the road waiting to get hit by a car or anything. I just don't want to get my shoes muddy by standing on the side of the road. There are no sidewalks here and the road is slightly higher in the middle then on the sides.

I have picked a good spot to stand. I feel like I am part of a movie scene where the main character has just lost something very precious to him and has found a place of solace, as wierd as the middle of a countryside road may seem, it is perfect.

Somehow the green from the trees adhear to the air. It must be from the sun finding holes in the clouds. There is a beautiful glow. I look down. Cracked asphault beneath my feet slippery from the rain. My eyes follow the solid yellow lines from here to there. Up ahead, probably fifty yards at most the road sweeps to the right. There are no cars here. My ears are comfortable and sensitive to how quiet my mind is. My hair is flat against my head, dripping water down my forehead. My eyes are still full from the clouds above this road, above my head, above these trees. I am looking through a tunnel. Branches bend in, weighed down with this life giving substance that reveals my pitiful position and lack of courage. My mind wants to race but stands as still as my body is.

I glance behind me, my shoulders twist and follow my eyes. My feet still planted. I thought I had heard a car coming my way. I am glad it wasn't. It must have been the wind pushing its way throught the leaves. I think a car would have been disturbing, the noise, it would have put me over the edge I am only steps away from. I just want to be in the midst of silence. I'm scared to even speak. I don't like being startled by sounds and I have been in this quiet place for quite some time now. At least an hour has passed, but I can't say for sure because I do not have a watch and the screen of my cell phone is cracked.

I am hoping I will hear something that I have not heard in a while and if I remember correctly it is a quiet sound.

I need direction and I want God to to give it to me, that is why I am here. I want to feel clean, washed, clear minded. Which I do in part just from this beautiful rain, funny how God works sometimes. I try to remember what it was like when we were speaking. Me and God. I try to recognize what went wrong, what got inbetween us. I just don't know anymore. Maybe that is what I am asking for. The eyes to see. To see what I have chosen in the past and why, what my choices are now and which I should choose.

I am sure I will know His voice again. I will wait until He tells me to move. Until then I know I need to be still.

Drop the expectations and bow your head.

There is all this controversy clouding the christian community right now about what Kathy Griffin stated at the Emmy Awards.

Her statement: “A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit.” Griffin then said, "Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now."

Labeled a "Hate Speech" by thousands of christian bloggers. The uproar and backlash came quick. Quick much like when the Jews and Romans and who knows who else, demanded the beating and death of this Jesus.

What was Jesus' response after such a gruesome and personal situation two thousand years ago?

Love them. Pray for them. Drop your expectations because you are not perfect either.

Life is less stressful, selfish, and dissapointing if you let go of expectations.

Nobody owes you anything. Your neighbor, the government, your family, your friends, hollywood...the list goes on.

Respect. Love. Fairness. Grace. Mercy. Life.

Nobody has ever owed you these things.

Don't freak out if someone is rude to you, or mocks your faith, or just acts like a complete jackass towards you. What can we expect? You know?

We're all dirty humans that are clean on occasion.