My heart is breaking for someone very close to me

it's okay to be worn out

to throw your hands

and want to leave town

open your mouth

and tell me 

everything

we'll go from there

This fleeting moment is worth what?

Through a link here and a link there I read a blog that hit me hard today. I quote from here.

"Our life here on earth will be over in the blink of an eye, compared to eternity. Really, that is quite an incredible thought when you really sit down and think about it and all that it means. It is difficult to fully comprehend the magnitude of the importance of this extremely brief life in light of eternity.

The fears, worries, situations and pursuits of happiness that naturally come with this life can consume us but in the light of eternity all these things of the world are worthless. Useless. They are like a vapor- like we are- here one moment and gone the next. We give them far more importance than they are worth. 

Only one life to live, only what's done for Christ will last."

Somebody save the Honky-Tonk

I've needed some sort of change lately. I chopped off most of my hair, it was getting quite long. My usual emo/mullet is gone. I look somewhat clean cut besides the beard I am growing again. It's an anual thing, the beard. Anyways...what I am really writing about is music.

This need for change was met by some old school country music. My buddy Jed has been plugging away while tuned in to Merle Haggard and such. I am hooked. Pandora.com allows you set up a personal radio station. You just type in a band that you like and they will play that band along with lots of other bands with that sort of style. It's like the ultimate un-ending mix-tape.

If you'd like some good music that will get your foot-a-tappin or tears a-rollin...then build a station with Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson. There is nothing like the soothing sounds of a smooth voice, steel guitar, mandolin, and lyrics full of truth, pain, and love. The original.

Need = Foundation = Love ?

I know my daughter Olive Mae looks like a little boy in this photo but that isn't what caught my attention. And I know there is an absolutely hilarious look on her face but that wasn't it either.

What first came to my mind was how dumb and helpless she looks. For the most part she isn't that smart, don't get me wrong, she has the potential to be a genius and I am sure she will be very intelligent. As of right now though, she is running off of instinct. Sleeping when she is tired. Waking when she is hungry. Crying when she is hurt or frustrated. Laughing when she is happy. She isn't trying to figure out why she needs me or why her poop smells.

Her actions and interaction with and towards people around her are rooted in her emotions, not a clear concise use of her mind. Her parents love it! We're certainly not dissapointed that she isn't carrying on sentences that distract from their deeper meaning. We simply love the fact that she needs us, has faith in us, and possibly unknowing to herself, loves us.

This sparked some questions in my life:

If we are supposed to become like children in reference to faith, do I need to look like Olive does in this picture? Is my mere intelligence bombarding the foundation of my humanness? Do I need to confess my frailty, shut my mouth, and simply need God?

Bored and slightly confused.

Don't get me wrong I am greatful for my life. I feel like I have oppurtunities that outweigh most people. I have a beautiful wife and daughter. I just bought a house where my cat chases my slobbering bulldog across slippery hardwood floors. I own a motorcycle. I eat lunch everyday accompanied by 16oz of sugar and caffeine. But I feel tired and worn. There is an ache in my head that won't go away. It is right on time though. Usually around the time when seasons change my life feels like it turns upside down and all the blood in my body rushes to my head. I think it has to do with the fact that at any given moment I can point out areas in my life where my own expectations were not met. This in conjunction with a change in weather and baromic pressure creates a vice that squeezes the life out of my brain and confuses the hell out of me. People around me start shooting questions such as "Jarrod, is something wrong?" "Jarrod, are you upset with me?" "Do you need to talk about something that is bothering you?". Usually this lasts for a couple of weeks until it all sorts itself out inside my own head and someone snaps a finger which creates just enough wind to wake me up and pull me out of bed.

Life gets wierd when you lose your bearings. Life gets crazy when you forget what you live for or realize what you live for is not worth the time or effort. So then you throw a big fat ball of regret right at your own face which is hard to imagine cause it doesn't seem like a task that is physically possible but it works and when it hits you it knocks you on your ass.

Does anyone have a hockey mask I can borrow?

One of Gods wonderful gifts.

I have that fuzzy feeling. The state where your body wants to lie down and close its eyes. Somehow gravity gets stronger. Coaxing me to fold my arms in the shape of a pillow. Such a great gift God gave us. Our very own personal portable pillow. Comes in handy at work.