I picked a leaf from a tree. It hasn't dried out yet.

"Do all you can do." A note that Vincent Layton had scribbled the day he found out he is losing his mind. Red ink on a blue Post It note and jammed in his levi's pocket. He was on a high which was unusual for the situation. So what if the doctor had also diagnosed Vincent's grandfather. So what if Vincent's grandfather turns up lost every few weeks. He's always been found. Besides Vincent is only 29 and he has a four year old daughter who needs him. There is no reason for him to be afraid of anything. He has things to do. 

LORD, calm my soul

liar and a thief

how can I be as angry as I am

'cause I am just the same

Promo, turn up yo speakers!

Encounter TAG from Jarrod Renaud on Vimeo.

Echos this empty room.

No emotion

film black and white

embraced by love

so shaken

reason becomes confusion

still visions of laughter

echos this empty room

*written by Matthew Renaud

IT's A BOY!

Olive is going to have a little brother!

Elliot Daniel Renaud

Beautiful Saviour

Beautiful Saviour

You are my love,

Creator of my heart 

I gave you to hold

I give you my life

forever more

and with this day

only you I will serve

So take my hand 

and lead me

along side your footsteps

so I might live forever

in You.  

**written by my brother Matthew Renaud**

Encounter Service at Summit

Me, Shane and Jeremy are heading up this service at Summit Foursquare Church in Longmont Colorado. Here is our promotional poster for the first of June. This particular message has to do with "A Backwards kingdom." Hitting on things such as young adult christian culture and the relationship of that to secular culture. 

Poster was done in photoshop with four different photos. The street, the guy, the one way sign, then the space scene. A little blend here, a little blend there. 

Smart Car Diablo

Smart car with a Suzuki Hayabusa engine. Dude, I really do want one of these. 

Faded Memories

**Written and should be heard being performed by my brother Matthew. This is one of my favorite songs. **

I wish I could be there,

'cause somehow I can hear, 

your all alone, memories you can't seem to let go.

upon your face, tear drop eyes

looking back on letters of love misplaced

and pretending it was just promises never made.

yeah I see now, 

it's coming back to me,

yeah I see now,

you were everything to me.

missing those softly spoken words,

"I love you" passes me by

without a breath to faded dreams,

what will never be of these unforgotten memories. 

yeah I see now,

it's coming back to me,

yeah I see now, 

you were everything to me. 

the beginning and the end has spoken words to me

somehow this gives me peace

So you Say.

you try to breathe, your heart is bleeds

it sees it needs more than it can be without me

feeling so dry and exposed,

the weight of your words, spreading to your soul

the lies they lead, they seems to leave 

you on your own

what now remains is only this empty mark and trace of what was,

what is, and what will solemnly be faced,

your memories never seemed as black and white, like tonight,

you promised yourself you'd never cry again.

so you said.

you substitute what you thought would only fill

wounds so deep, so empty, so strong they hold you so still,

shell filled illusions of fear and doubt, and stolen emotions

you thought were good as dead,

so you said. 

don't let this be the last on your list of regrets,

it's getting longer as time goes on,

it's getting longer it won't be long 

till it catches up with your heart,

it won't be long till everything is gone 

and your left all alone with a bleeding heart 

and your tears will fall farther than ever before,

the floor never seemed so far from the door,

where will you go from here

wow.

filing cabinets made of crappy particle board and wrapped in vinyl oak print. my feet tingle a bit while sitting in office chairs. a mind is a useful wasted thing. flowers that bloom and work their way through snow. a huge condo with ocean views and a seagull. feeling hungry my stomach tells me. forward thinking. this tree has limbs so tiny, so many, it looks like the vascular system of a living thing. flies buzz a bit. thinking hurts sometimes. a cat prowls. lazy ass. don't hit me in the back of the head. this too is a running man. fifth grade bubble gum tattoos are stupid. 949-718-3557. french fries.

Adjusted gasp.

He was walking to work this past tuesday morning which is only a stones throw from his house. That is if you can throw a stone a quarter mile. 

With the opening of the front door and a tuned introduction, Lois reminded him of her name. He hated that. Not her name. Names don't annoy him but after two and a half years she still acts like Kasper Rune will forget who she is.  

The words boisterous and annoying pop in his mind wrapped in quotation marks. Wrapped rather nicely actually. Like those wrappers that you pull and untwist revealing a creamy caramel. Kasper just loved caramels. He likes the fact that you need to chew a second to loosen what stuck from the first. His dentist on the other hand does not like caramels. 

With Mr. Rune's acknowledgment of Lois his foot catches the rug which Lois had excitingly set out this particular morning for patrons to brush the bottom of their shoes on. She had bought it with her own money at the market. A split second was doubled, no, it was tripled in the minds of the onlookers as Rune's satchel catches the door handle changing his momentum and spinning him so he was facing the ceiling. Impulse whispered and he reached out to "boisterous" and "annoying" but failed to catch her hand.

Clarice cherished the moments she had with Kasper each morning. Eggs over easy. Bacon crisp. English muffin buttered and moist but edges crunchy. That's what he made her every morning since that special afternoon when she gave him her heart. He would place her meal in front of her and she would batter her eyes and he would love that. He would even tell her that he loved that. It was their "thank you" and "your welcome." They were more thankful for each other than for the breath they were blessed with. They had their special ways to share this. 

The Rune's had one of those phones where you had to spin the dial/wheel and there would be this rhythmic ticking sound while it returned to the starting position waiting for the  second, third, seventh spin to complete the call. It was a beige color with a black spiraled chord. 

Midmorning that tuesday, Clarice had thought she had heard that beige phone ring but she was in the backroom at the time. The backroom was where her piano was stored. Kasper had bought this piano from the Breehan's who live down on main street next to the library and the towns' rose garden. They had one of those victorian type houses. Pilliars and such. It was a beautiful house. Stark white as if they scrubbed it by hand at the close of each week. The piano was not so beautiful. It was bare. It looked as if it was set outside in the rain for at least a day, maybe two. But Clarice had said it was the best birthday gift she had ever gotten in her whole 26 years. She looked a bit older than her age but was a pretty girl and thought the piano was beautiful in its own little way. It was from her Love. 

The phone rang again. This time she could clearly hear it. Somehow though the ring accompanied the song Clarice was playing well and so she let it ring and played on. She was writing a song for her mother who had been admitted to the "crazy house" just months before. They were close. Her and her mother. Now they don't talk. But Clarice prays to her Jesus to save her mother and let her speak again. Kasper had told her that the Lord still performs miracles and Clarice believes that with all her heart. So she prays. 

Even now as then Clarice plays her piano everyday. She praises her Jesus for saving her mother and for holding Kasper in place of her own arms.

She loves to cry. It is her way of laughing. 

She loves to sing. It is her way of sitting in silence. 

She wishes that she had answered the phone to hear her husbands voice one last time. 

 

Finally got an IPOD

I could never bring myself to spending ~$300 for an Ipod so I took the plunge and got an new but old IPOD Nano off Ebay for $40. I'm pretty happy with it, 2 gigs is enough to hold a grip load of songs and the thing is freakin small and light so that's nice. 

LOST

I've been wanting to blog about this for a while but really it is just too overwhelming of a task. I can not do it justice within a post or even one hundred posts. More than a few times I have stared at my blank blog post and backed out because I just can't do it. Can't do it. It's like trying to break a Tupperware bowl. 

So this is only a tip of the hat from me to LOST. I watch you every single thursday and talk about you to all of my lostie friends and even those friends that do not watch it, although they just shake their heads and smile at me like I am slightly crazy. They just don't understand. 

The freakin show is a masterpiece. 

If you have not seen it or if you have seen an episode here and there and then proceed to flipping the channel because it makes no sense to you. Just rent it. Start at the beginning (Season one, episode one) go from there and you won't look back. Actually you will look back quite often but you'll understand that when you start so don't worry about it now.  

(sigh)

Best show ever. 

Man Bag

Satchel. Messenger bag. What do you think about them? 

The usual friday lunch.

An hour full of Chipotle and Starbucks, sunlight and blue skies. 

My heart is breaking for someone very close to me

it's okay to be worn out

to throw your hands

and want to leave town

open your mouth

and tell me 

everything

we'll go from there

The answer to many of my problems

I realized that I want to save myself and use God to make me feel better all while acting out a Christian life to mask the emptiness in my heart. I'm not truly seeking God, I just wait for Him and throw up my hands when nothing happens. I'm so selfish and now confused on how to get back to the basics of what a relationship with God actually is. I've lost the realness of it. I've become numb and robot like in the fact that I always say to people and to myself that I want to "do this for God" or "use my gifts here for God." But I think in my heart I am trying to buy happiness from Him. My heart is in the wrong place. 

Vegas

Finally back from my trip to Vegas for the NAB convention. I am so glad to be back to the fresh air of Colorado.

I lived in Vegas for 14 years of my life. My family moved there from Charlton Massachusetts when I was 10 years old. I would consider Vegas my home town. I finished elementary school, worked my way through the confusing times of Jr. High and High School. I attended a community college for 3 years and transferred to the Art Institute of Las Vegas. I met life long friends and lifelong heartaches. I discovered what I loved and what I loathe. I owned and sold a Datsun 280zx that carried so many memories of freedom. Last but not least on this list of vagueness, I met my wife in Vegas.

All of these memories came rushing back as I stepped out of the airport and felt the warm city air. At that point and throughout the whole night, I missed my home town. I had wished that Tess was there with me, I wish that we were in my blue 280zx driving up the strip. I had wished that my brother was there with me planning another weekend trip to La Jolla.

By the end of the week these feelings faded fairly quickly. I realized that I just missed all these memories, not Vegas. It doesn't really matter where you live but how you live. It seems that I have forgotten how to make memories like these.

Anchor Light Films! My intro...

*There is SOUND so turn up your speakers.


Anchor Light Films Intro from Jarrod Renaud on Vimeo.

*Click the link to VIMEO and you can see it a bigger and better than what is embedded in this blog!