January Blues

Winter. I don't like it. Every January I end up diving head first into thick cold mud that freezes over and chokes the breath out of me. I get caught in a struggle to give in or to be a bad ass and fight my way out of it. Daily. (excuse my language, my blog isn't for kids anyway)  

Motivation. Dies at this time of year and it is somewhat of a mystery why. Is it the weather? Is it being cooped up inside for too many hours, too many days in a row? Is it the fact that everything around has been dead and brown for months?

Creativity. Is lost among the typing and computer screen staring. It want's to break through and show its sweet little face but when it gets close I see it as something ugly and useless and boring and worthless and and and. 

Attitude. So up and down. I guess that is because of the 'do I give in' ' do I fight it out' battle. I don't know which end is up. I don't know where to put my time, who to give my time to. I get frustrated when other people get all worked up about me not giving my time to them when I have a family who needs my time so much more. I get frustrated cause I want to take some of the time my family needs of me and keep it for myself. I feel guilty either way. 

Winter. I can't wait for spring.