Friday, December 21, 2007
My bland office and awesome sweater.
So, last day of work till January 2nd! I am so happy about this. 12 consecutive days off all paid!! I posted this picture of me in my office. My office is quite boring and uninspiring which doesn't make too much sense since I am a graphic designer, eh? Poop. I'm not allowed to add anything to the office. But who cares anyways. My sweater is my inspiration today. I won't blog again till after the break so...
Happy holidays to all!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Ready Set Go. #2 (1 min.)
straighten and become strong,
my mind follows and before long
I know that I am where I am supposed to be
and all I need to do is find out
who in the hell is this real me.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Ohhh, Christmas. My old friend.
Now being 27 and married and with a 6 month old baby girl it is so hard to slow down and soak it in. Everyday is filled with stuff to do and places to go and people that need something. Me and Tess finally sat down last night and watched the Grinch try to steal Christmas and he failed again because Christmas doesn't rely on presents and food. That was nice to cuddle by the lit Christmas tree and watch a childhood favorite. We still need to see Rudolf and Charlie Brown experience Christmas. We're pacing ourselves. Bringing back memories slowly and hopefully making new ones, won't know for a while though.
It helps that I look like Christmas. That is what a big beard will do. It makes the sky want to snow and makes children want to pull laugh (which hurts real bad).
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Some good things.
Me and Tess were able to go see MAE and Anberlin in concert on Sunday night. Not only was the show awesome as usual (Both bands are my favorite live bands) but we got to see MAE put on an acoustic show for 12 people including us in their dressing room. They were having a toy drive so if you brought some toys you were taken in for the show. Awesome.
I got a raise and slight promotion at work. I am now officially DPA Microphones, Inc. Graphic Designer/Marketing guy. It will be nice to be creative all day long now. The shipping thing was getting really boring for me.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
I could have been nicer to him.
Both of these animals are awesome. They love everyone, they always want attention. The cat listens like no other pet I have ever come across. First off if you say anything that is somewhat directed towards this cat he assumes you asked him to cuddle, so he struts over to you and treats you like his lover. But...if you tell him "No" then he will walk away or frantically run depending on his mood, he is quite the character. He is a Maine Coon. A big cat that acts like a dog. Me and him chase each other around the house. It's fun. He makes me laugh all the time.
On the other hand, our dog, Emitt. He doesn't listen, well, he listens and understands but it's up to him whether he wants to obey or not. He is freakin smart. He learned to sit, stay, and shake in one day. He knows. He KNOWS. But he doesn't always DO. He makes up for it, he is pretty cute. He's an American Bulldog so he kind of looks like a pit bull but with a bulldog face...really pretty dog. He's a big dog, a good guard dog, a good family dog. He loves everyone and gets so excited when he meets new people. Big brown eyes that love being alive. I got him for Tess.
Anyways...back to my lunch story.
I opened the door to a quite house like I anticipated. I walked into the kitchen to fix me up something good, probably reheat the tuna salad that Tess made the night before. I grab a plate from the cupboard and glance out the window and notice trash spread across our yard. Freakin dogs! (We also have a 100lb Bernese Mountain dog that we are baby sitting) Dropping my plate on the counter. We have plastic plates. I walk outside and start picking everything up. Jake (Bernese) is sitting by the sliding glass door and I see Emitt laying in the corner of the yard soaking up the sun. He always spralls out when the sun is shining. I can only fit so much trash in my hands at one time so I make a trip to the trash can and call for Emitt. He's always so happy to see me, anyone for that matter. But he just lays there. I make my way towards him all the while picking up pieces of chewed plastic and cardboard.
My heart dropped. I havn't had something close to me die for a long time. It's been at least 20 years since I have seen something I love, lifeless. I stood probably 10 feet from him. His chest wasn't moving. I learned from movies that you can tell if someone or something is dead if their chest doesn't move. I specifically whispered "No." A common reaction I guess. It was a cardboard container. It took a lot of my strength to release the it, it was a perfect fit, no air in, no air out. How random that it fit tight around his head. I was confused. I didn't want to do it but I had to, I started compressing his chest. I knew it wouldn't help but I had to try, his eyes were open.
I wanted to call my mom, she would know what to do. I didn't have a phone though, it's still broken. I was on my own. I am so glad Tess was having fun at that moment. I am glad it was me who found him.
My hour was spent alone. I had to put my five month old American Bull dog named Emitt in two plastic trash bags and then in a cardboard box. I told my cat to get out of my way. I ate a Snickers bar on my way back to work and I had to call Tess from my office phone and try not to cry just yet.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Hard to find time for this thing.
So instead of searching internet forums on the best video editing setup during this slow time at work I spruced up my blog page with a new header and figured I had better write something. I have a cool draft going but am scared to finish it because I don't really know where it is going or what purpose the words/story will have.
I guess we'll see.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Loose Binding.
I have picked a good spot to stand. I feel like I am part of a movie scene where the main character has just lost something very precious to him and has found a place of solace, as wierd as the middle of a countryside road may seem, it is perfect.
Somehow the green from the trees adhear to the air. It must be from the sun finding holes in the clouds. There is a beautiful glow. I look down. Cracked asphault beneath my feet slippery from the rain. My eyes follow the solid yellow lines from here to there. Up ahead, probably fifty yards at most the road sweeps to the right. There are no cars here. My ears are comfortable and sensitive to how quiet my mind is. My hair is flat against my head, dripping water down my forehead. My eyes are still full from the clouds above this road, above my head, above these trees. I am looking through a tunnel. Branches bend in, weighed down with this life giving substance that reveals my pitiful position and lack of courage. My mind wants to race but stands as still as my body is.
I glance behind me, my shoulders twist and follow my eyes. My feet still planted. I thought I had heard a car coming my way. I am glad it wasn't. It must have been the wind pushing its way throught the leaves. I think a car would have been disturbing, the noise, it would have put me over the edge I am only steps away from. I just want to be in the midst of silence. I'm scared to even speak. I don't like being startled by sounds and I have been in this quiet place for quite some time now. At least an hour has passed, but I can't say for sure because I do not have a watch and the screen of my cell phone is cracked.
I am hoping I will hear something that I have not heard in a while and if I remember correctly it is a quiet sound.
I need direction and I want God to to give it to me, that is why I am here. I want to feel clean, washed, clear minded. Which I do in part just from this beautiful rain, funny how God works sometimes. I try to remember what it was like when we were speaking. Me and God. I try to recognize what went wrong, what got inbetween us. I just don't know anymore. Maybe that is what I am asking for. The eyes to see. To see what I have chosen in the past and why, what my choices are now and which I should choose.
I am sure I will know His voice again. I will wait until He tells me to move. Until then I know I need to be still.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Back to da choppa!
The food down there was great, it was cool going with Shane, it was nice being out of the office for a week, but I don't ever want to go to another convention again and here is why:
I had about a one week notice which irritated me. I spent $100 for Dashboard Confessional tickets (tickets and stupid fees) that I ended up throwing away because nobody else could go in place of me and Tess. That in itself sucked, not only was that a lot of money wasted for nothing but Tess and I were really bummed about missing the show. Then to top it off I left Tess in a lonely house in a shady neighborhood for a week with our crazy dog and our handful of a kid that needs a babysitter every other day or so because Tess works part time at Starbucks.
A couple things I am glad I learned: I found out that I really hate sleeping alone even if I do have a king size bed all to myself and there really is nothing good on cable TV.
I think the worst part though was just being away from Tess and Olive. I missed them so much I couldn't believe it.
I am so glad to be home.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Ready Set Go. #1 (two minute session)
to a life that claims the pulse of my heart
breaking through the air surrounding the skin
that holds my insides inside...
A mistake that's easy to make
when two eyes are so unsure of what they see
and two ears unsure of what I think they hear
the music pulls me away from myself
revealing twisted ties of unsurprising lines
drawn in black ink or possibly blue
depending on my mood...
Is this the way that I love you?
Mawigde.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Rose Window Productions
I have been bouncing from one website to another, each nudging me on to the next with the promise of "more information." A never ending cycle of reading and surfing and not understanding.
Finally I happened upon www.legalzoom.com. I found an article about this company on cnn.com and thought I would give it a try. Amazing I must say that within five minutes of answering questions and filling out information forms I am $109 away from having my production company legally established in the state of Colorado. I feel relieved and excited.
More foot work needs to be done. I have to find out which bank would be the best to set up a business account with. I have to find out about my financing options since the equipment that I need will not be cheap. I need to build my own identity and website. I do already have www.rosewindowproductions.com but no content. I have a rough outlined business plan and a good idea of all the services that I will offer. I still need to come up with workable pricing. I have to research a bit on taxes and if I need to tax my services and how I file at the end of the year. Hmm.
I am sure there is more to this. I hate research. But I will press on and learn as I go.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Quick list for Bryce.
2. "I bet people always ask you how tall you are."
3. I laughed at myself. Mainly because I knew what really just happend. It wasn't just a question.
4. "Six foot nine inches" was his answer.
5. I was sitting outside of Starbucks and was reading "Blue Like Jazz" when I found out that me and Bryce had something in common.
6. I figured that if he liked this book then we would probably get along, probably have some good conversations about life, love, and God.
7. My figures were correct.
8. Quickly we became good friends.
9. I taught him the ropes of Starbucks. (Or maybe he figured them out?)
10. He's a bright kid.
11. We would flail around Starbucks yelling out Arnold Swartz lines and loud lingering "MAAAAAMAAAAAAAAs."
12. I'd throw things at him and he would throw a fit and cuss at me. I would appoligize and hope that he was alright.
12. I'd make it up by making him a "J-ROD."
13. He would tell me how much it sucks that Kate was in another state.
14. I understood.
15. He was soon to wed and move far far away.
16. I was one of the people who tried to talk him out of moving.
17. I told him that Wisconsin would be crappy.
18. He cussed at me.
19. I felt horrible and realized that I needed to support him.
20. I love his honesty and frankness.
21. I missed his wedding because my daughter Olive was born the week of.
22. I felt bad about that. I still feel bad.
23. He moved.
24. He inspired me to start blogging.
25. I check his blog at least three times a day...just waiting for more words.
26. I miss him.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Somebody save the Honky-Tonk
This need for change was met by some old school country music. My buddy Jed has been plugging away while tuned in to Merle Haggard and such. I am hooked. Pandora.com allows you set up a personal radio station. You just type in a band that you like and they will play that band along with lots of other bands with that sort of style. It's like the ultimate un-ending mix-tape.
If you'd like some good music that will get your foot-a-tappin or tears a-rollin...then build a station with Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson. There is nothing like the soothing sounds of a smooth voice, steel guitar, mandolin, and lyrics full of truth, pain, and love. The original.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Le Week-end
Sunday was a good day. We arrived at church a usual 20 minutes late. Spent about an hour sitting outside of Chipotle enjoying the 75 degree fall day. Then went on a hike up sugarloaf canyon and enjoyed the sun dip behind the Rocky Moutains. Went to bed too late for a monday morning. But thats alright.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Another summer ends.
Each spring I feel an urgency, I feel close to the sun, like we're friends. I tell people that I am scared fall will sneak up on me. I know that I will miss the warmth of summer, taking it for granted.
But sitting here right now waiting for the line in Starbucks to dissipate. I am grateful for this breeze. It creates a new page to write on which I am thankful for.
Monday, October 01, 2007
My mistake free job.
I had a constant stress headache for my first month employed. The pain transfered to my neck during the second month. Here I am starting my third month. I'm not sure what sort of pain October will bring.
But they did just buy me a maxed out IMAC for graphics...
Friday, September 28, 2007
Curse Words are Verbs
Friday, September 21, 2007
Drop the expectations and bow your head.
Her statement: “A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit.” Griffin then said, "Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now."
Labeled a "Hate Speech" by thousands of christian bloggers. The uproar and backlash came quick. Quick much like when the Jews and Romans and who knows who else, demanded the beating and death of this Jesus.
What was Jesus' response after such a gruesome and personal situation two thousand years ago?
Love them. Pray for them. Drop your expectations because you are not perfect either.
Life is less stressful, selfish, and dissapointing if you let go of expectations.
Nobody owes you anything. Your neighbor, the government, your family, your friends, hollywood...the list goes on.
Respect. Love. Fairness. Grace. Mercy. Life.
Nobody has ever owed you these things.
Don't freak out if someone is rude to you, or mocks your faith, or just acts like a complete jackass towards you. What can we expect? You know?
We're all dirty humans that are clean on occasion.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
The old woman who scowls at me.
1. The usual. This morning, at 7:53am I open my garage, enjoy the warm sun touching my face and push my 500 pound bike out and onto my driveway.
2. The unusual. A policeman in his Longmont issue Dodge Charger, parked across the street from my house.
3. The air. Calm and quiet.
4. The air after I start my bike. Calm but loud for 7:55am.
5. The usual. I make my way down Jewel Dr. towards 19th St.
6. The unusual. A policeman in his Longmont issue Dodge Charger, following me.
7. The air. Annoying and filled with red and blue lights flashing all over the freakin place.
8. The air after I turn off my bike. Filled with the phrase/question "What the crap?"
9. The usual. I am confused and about to get angry.
10. The unusual. I didn't get a ticket. The cop was nice to me, he even laughed at the old woman who called the police department every morning for the past two weeks because of my obnoxious hell raising motorcycle.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Cute but eats his poop.
I set my alarm for 2:30am every morning to let him out. I don't prefer it but it is a must until his bladder is bigger. I'll drag myself out of bed and stand in my back yard sporting only my boxers with our security spot light shining down on me from above. If you happen to catch me in this situation you would probably mistake me for an angel from heaven. Anyways, standing there with my eyes locked on our puppy, I am wide eyed and ready to make a run for him.
He knows where he pooped last. I don't. So I watch. I'll wait. He acts like he just happens upon his pile but I know otherwise. In an instant he finds his midnight snack that he left hours earlier and I sprint towards him, he sprints away and I try not to yell too loud. He pisses and runs to the door all the while licking his poop covered chops. I scoop him up and explain to him that I don't care how cute he is and place him gently back into his crate.
Poop.
Friday, September 14, 2007
DPA Microphones.
Anyways...My job consists of shipping/recieving at most 20 boxes a day. I ship thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of mics in just a few small boxes. The crazy thing is that $48,000 worth will fit into maybe 10 boxes or so, all smaller than 10in x 10in x 10in. Just today I sent out a box that would fit a four pound Chiuaua. This little guy held $16,000 worth of mics. That is a car, a nice brand new car. That box had the car that I want gently packed inside. Amazing.
Along with shipping I also design website ads, magazine ads, posters, etc.
So that is my job. 8am to 5pm. Monday through Friday.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Some of my paintings...
>Spray Paint
>Air Brush
>Paint Pens
>Sharpie Marker
>Prismacolor Markers
Radio Man: 24in x 36in
Television: 16in x 24in
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Need = Foundation = Love ?
What first came to my mind was how dumb and helpless she looks. For the most part she isn't that smart, don't get me wrong, she has the potential to be a genius and I am sure she will be very intelligent. As of right now though, she is running off of instinct. Sleeping when she is tired. Waking when she is hungry. Crying when she is hurt or frustrated. Laughing when she is happy. She isn't trying to figure out why she needs me or why her poop smells.
Her actions and interaction with and towards people around her are rooted in her emotions, not a clear concise use of her mind. Her parents love it! We're certainly not dissapointed that she isn't carrying on sentences that distract from their deeper meaning. We simply love the fact that she needs us, has faith in us, and possibly unknowing to herself, loves us.
This sparked some questions in my life:
If we are supposed to become like children in reference to faith, do I need to look like Olive does in this picture? Is my mere intelligence bombarding the foundation of my humanness? Do I need to confess my frailty, shut my mouth, and simply need God?
Sense of Provision.
I was going elk hunting with my dad for the first time in over five years. I grew up hunting and fishing. Killing animals for food. Or was is sport? Back then it was more for sport. Or even truer, the way I was to become a man. I was very young when I figured out that my thumb and index finger could become a pistol, I was a reckless killer. There was always excitement and curiousity in the life and death of things, especially in the eyes of a boy. I am 26 now, will things be different this time around?
We worked our way up an old mining road that has been closed for over 80 years. It was nice to have a clear path while the sky was still dark. I'll estimate and say we were two miles in from where we parked. Our backs up against a boulder high above where the elk were guessed to be, we had an amazing view. The sun was slowly revealing what we had just walked through and where we wanted to go. It is funny how different things look when you can actually see them.
In this particular area that we were hunting the elk will move from low to high from morning to night. Elk will usually cut through small clearings throughout the day to feed so what we needed to do is find the paths (game trails) that they normal take. From our vantage point we picked out a clearing that was probably at best a mile and a half south from where we were sitting. We mapped out a plan to swing out west and then head south-east so that the light breeze would be in our faces thus carrying our scent away from where we wanted to be. About an hour later we come to the edge of this clearing and find that there are five to six small trees that are torn to pieces. This means that we were treading on a certain bull elks' territory. Our blood started pumping a bit faster because right down the middle of these rubs was a well beaten path that the elk have been taking. Our morning just got a little bit more exciting as we made our way up this path.
My senses hightened. All of a sudden I wished that I also had a bow in hand and quiver slung across my back. Maybe it is because I have a family now but I felt like I was supposed to be there right at that moment. I felt like I was made to hunt. I felt like a man with a purpose. Sport just became necessity. I was on the trail of a 900 pound beast of an animal. An animal that if the wind changes direction will know that I am within a mile of him. An animal that if I snap a twig beneath my foot, it would be a matter of minutes before he is over the next hill.
For some reason I am in front of my dad. This doesn't make sense to me because ever since I can remember he has been known to have "eagle eyes." Even more importantly, he has the bow. Nevetheless, with me leading, our claimed trail made its way into the dark timbre. Pine trees develop a canopy that turns day into night. It is a surreal feeling, inching forward on a path, being able to see at most 20 yards in any direction, concentrating on anything that could be a 900 pound animal. My eyes were crossing, I thought I'd seen some movement, it was a birds flutter of a wing, a moth passing through a slight beam of sunlight, the flicker of an elks ear. Movement for just moments. Stillness for minutes. We are playing the same game. Us and this elk. We know he is in there. Does he know we are here? Apparently not. My eyes shift to our left and I freeze. I see a huge set of shoulders, a light brown. My heart skips a beat or seven. Both my dad and I slowly position our camoflaged bodies behind a massive pine tree thus not relying on human efforts of printing tree bark on clothing. My dads eyes are bigger then I remember. He hands me his backpack as I peak around the tree and see the elk lift his head. How does this massive animal move so easily and quietly in here? His antlers towering to probably nine feet off the ground. He moves away from us, yet I don't think he knows we are sharing the same earth together. My dad goes left and I go right. I need to push this elk towards my dad. There is no chance for a shot unless this elks breath is so close it is felt. Maybe thirty seconds pass and this slow moving, silent animal dissapears. My eyes blink in an exaggerated way, just as slow and silent. Out of desperation I quicken my pace only to realize that our chance just slipped into the darkness of this day.
Blood pressure dropping back to normal. Our sense of time, dull. Our hunger is high so we sit on the edge of an open area and discuss what should have been. We eat the best damn Clif Bars ever packaged. I document our mood in a digital manner. A little dissapointed and confused but knowing that we just made a memory that is worth remembering. We treck on and study the patterns of these beasts for the rest of the day knowing that we may once again come face to face with our prey.
A simple day in the woods revealed some things for me:
1. I learned that I could be greatful for early mornings.
2. Sometimes it is good to be uncomfortable.
3. Purpose is fulfulling.
4. I love my family.
5. Powdered doughnuts taste amazing.
6. Elk smell like wet dog.
7. There are creatures that live in harmony with God.
8. Even the smallest of wild flowers are beautiful.
Monday, September 10, 2007
An album I think you should have...
"Scream and light up the sky" is much bigger in sound and packs just as much substance as their first. Just released in August of 2007 this is an album that quickly became one of my all time favorites. To describe the songs as a whole I would have to label them as indie-pop. There is so much charm, emotion and truth in Gorbels' voice. With sounds of jazz, rock, and pop there is a genuine and timeless sound to the whole which will make you sing at the top of your lungs or sway to a slow and smooth '50s throw-back. The best part is that they are keeping true to their unique style that sets them apart from so many other bands.
I highly recommend you pick up the album. It's amazingly catchy and can be listend to at any time, any where, in any mood. As with any album, read through the lyrics while listening through.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Ah, Friday.
I'll give my bike a little extra throttle as I crouch low and make sure my neighborhood knows that I am a fire breathing dragon on this good day. I don't know if you know anything about motorcycle exhaust but when you have a straight pipe on your bike like I do, life is amazing and angry at the same time. Ah, still Friday.
I try my best to stay focused at work, not letting the teasing weekend throw me off track, but it does. I finish half of what I should get done and leave the rest completely lonely in a dark office for two days. Ah, sweet sweet Friday.
The work day is done and I am on my way home. I have a grin from ear to ear which of course nobody can see because of my motorcycle helmet, good thing cause I look like a crazed lunatic. I jump off my bike and barrel roll onto our front yard like I am Arnold Schwarzenegger in his latest action movie. "Get back to da choppa!" I yell to all within shooting distance. Well, actually I'm lying. I would sound like a comedian, hurt myself and ruin the weekend if I did such a crazy thing so I carefully park in the driveway and work my helmet off. I love throwing my head back like I have long flowing hair which I am sure is quite a sight for bored eyes but I don't care because I am about to give my wife a kiss, drop my daughter off at her grandparents house, listen to loud music in our great white shark of a Volvo 240, and rock climb in one of the best climbing gyms in the country. Ah, I love Fridays.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Bored and slightly confused.
Life gets wierd when you lose your bearings. Life gets crazy when you forget what you live for or realize what you live for is not worth the time or effort. So then you throw a big fat ball of regret right at your own face which is hard to imagine cause it doesn't seem like a task that is physically possible but it works and when it hits you it knocks you on your ass.
Does anyone have a hockey mask I can borrow?
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
One of Gods wonderful gifts.
I have that fuzzy feeling. The state where your body wants to lie down and close its eyes. Somehow gravity gets stronger. Coaxing me to fold my arms in the shape of a pillow. Such a great gift God gave us. Our very own personal portable pillow. Comes in handy at work.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
I just lost my virginity
I'm pretty excited about it.
For some reason I feel fresh.
I am a glass of cold orange juice balancing on the edge of something big that I have not experienced and am convinced it will change my life in some way.
I am compelled to go out and buy a laptop and messenger bag and sit outside of a coffee shop, connect myself to a vast world of color and text, words and ideas.
I feel important.
I need to tell the world.
I am now a blogger.